Craig McDonald

A Listless Mediocrity


Craig McDonald is an Indianan office drone whose highest life ambition is finding a hot date to take with him to the Star Wars Episode VIII premiere. He’s 5’9’’, 230 pounds, with thinning brown hair and blue eyes that are just a little bit too close together. Craig is 34 years old. He laughs earnestly at old Garfield comics.


Craig McDonald has always been underwhelming. It started early in life when he had to be held back in kindergarten. This lack of talent stretched to athletics and social situations as well. After high school, where he made few friends, he attended one semester at the local college, but dropped out after bad sleep habits led to him failing half his courses. Started answering phones at Wilkinson, a plumbing wholesaler, but has worked his way up to data entry for accounts receivable after 14 years with the company. The end of the months are tough due to everyone sending in payments just before they’re due on the 1st.

Craig is man of many interests. An avid birder, Mr. McDonald has 7 encyclopedic aviary tomes, 2 on local bird populations of Indiana. He pulls out his fathers binoculars for his birding expeditions, usually conducted from the balcony of his ground floor apartment. Very into sci-fi and fantasy, particularly the The Night Angel Trilogy by Brent Weeks. He has fabricated several replica quality cosplay uniforms in his workshop/den/library/imaginarium/kitchen. Craig has seen every episode of Supernatural 7 times.

On the weekends, Craig likes to unwind playing paintball . Has only been 3 times in the past 5 years. He just tinkers with his paintball guns and searches e-bay for good deals on equipment and mods. GMs for his online, 5 person, fantasy baseball league. Craig has been tinkering with an online dating profile for the past few months but wants to get it just right before he dives in to something big like that.

Mr. McDonald takes excellent care of his 2003 Dodge Dart. It’s a classic.

Craig McDonald

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